LONELY BUT NEVER ALONE
by xxangelsangelxx
Summary: Piper&Leo story. I can't give too much away, but it was inspired by P.S I Love You and Atonement.
1. Chapter 1

LONELY BUT NEVER ALONE

CHAPTER ONE .

Piper sat at the vanity table, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

A pair of strong arms snaked around her waist. She rubbed her eye with her fist, wiping away the tears as she did so. She shook her head. Running her hand up and down his arm, Piper turned her face upwards, resting her head on Leo's shoulder. She looked into his green-blue eyes, tears falling from her own, fast and thick. He brushed them away with his thumb, softly stroking her cheek. They didn't need to say anything. They just sat there, wrapped in each others arms.

Leo was the first to break the embrace. He stepped back from the stool and Piper scrabbled to catch his hand.

'Don't leave'

Leo laughed softly, 'I'm just going to check on the boys.'

'Don't be too long.'

Leo smiled and nodded his head in agreement.

Piper crawled under the covers of her bed. It seemed huge and lonely without Leo next to her. Her body ached with tiredness, but she couldn't sleep when she felt like something was missing. Deep inside, Piper felt .. empty. She blinked slowly and before long her eyes were closed and she was carried into a restless slumber.

--

Piper woke the next day to find Leo lying next to her, propped up on his side smiling slightly as he watched her sleep.

'You came back.' Piper whispered, gazing up at him through half closed eyes.

'I promised you I'd be here when you woke' he said, stroking her forehead along her hairline, smoothing her hair behind her ear.

'Let's stay here' Piper smiled at the thought.

'Oh, honey. You have to get up. Face the day.'

Piper groaned at her husband's words and rolled out of bed. She put on her robe and was halfway out the door when she realised Leo remained on the bed, watching her gravely.

'Aren't you coming?' she asked him.

'Maybe a little later.' he smiled briefly.

Piper nodded and headed downstairs. Along the way she peeked into her sons' room. Wyatt's bed was empty and Chris had just begun to sleepily rub his eyes with his tiny fists. Picking him up, Piper settled Chris firmly on her hip and headed downstairs to the kitchen. There Phoebe sat, keeping an eye on Wyatt who was sprinkling copious amounts of sugar on his cereal. Phoebe looked up as Piper entered.

'Hi, honey,' she said softly, 'how are you this morning?'

Although Piper replied happily enough, she couldn't ignore the gnawing feeling in her stomach. She set Chris in his high chair and ruffled Wyatt's golden hair, before fixing the kettle to make herself a cup of tea. As the kettle whistled, Paige walked into kitchen, squinting in the bright light of the sunshine that reflected off the tiles.

'Hi guys' Paige too spoke gently; as if afraid her words might hurt.

She walked over to Piper and squeezed her arm reassuringly. Piper smiled up at her. Wyatt began to bang his spoon loudly against his empty bowl. Phoebe quickly hushed him, glancing over at Piper who was feeding Chris his breakfast. She absently stirred the green mush, looking at her youngest son. He had eyes like his father, she thought.

She remembered the apologetic look in Leo's eyes every time he was called away. She remembered waiting, unconsciously holding her breath every time he was gone. He'd always come back, though. Leo always came back, often with the same look in his eyes. Sure, a couple of times she got mad, but she understood. She remembered him saying to her: 'Just call my name and I will be there'. Piper remembered that moment so clearly.  
It's funny the things you remember.

'Piper?'

Paige's voice brought her out of her reverie. Piper shook her head and smiled.

'Sorry. Was a million miles away.'

'Wyatt, sweetie,' Phoebe turned to look at Piper's eldest son, 'why don't you run upstairs and get dressed for Grandpa, okay?"

Wyatt nodded and disappeared in a blur of blue and white lights.

'No orbing.' Piper called out, half heartedly. For some reason, it didn't seem to matter anymore.

'Grandpa?' she asked, raising an eyebrow.

'Yeah,' Paige said, from behind her, 'Your dad is taking the boys to the fair, remember?'

'Oh .. sure.'

Paige and Phoebe shared a look.

'Well, I guess I better get the little man ready too.' Piper said, hoisting Chris out from behind the high chair tray.

'Piper?'

'Yeah?' she turned in the doorway

'You're gonna need time'

'Well, we have plenty. Dad's not coming until ten, is he?' Piper turned and left the kitchen.

Phoebe looked down at her hands.

'That's not what I meant' she said softly.

--

Piper had just packed the last few items in her sons' bag, when the doorbell rang. Downstairs, Phoebe ran to the door and pulled it open.

'Daddy'

'Phoebe' Victor pulled his youngest into a hug. He smiled at Paige, who had come from the lounge room to stand behind her sister. Paige nodded slightly to Victor and shut the door behind him as Phoebe pulled him into the foyer.

'How is she?' Victor gestured upstairs.

Phoebe shrugged.

'She's a little .. spacey' Paige waved her hand around, trying to find the right words. Victor nodded and turned to see Piper coming down the stairs, Chris saddled on her hip and Wyatt in tow.

'Dad.' Piper gave him a smile and he knelt down as Wyatt ran into his outstretched arms. Picking his grandson up, Victor smiled sadly.

'Hi, sweetie. How are you holding up?"

'Good. Yeah, good. We're fine' Piper said distractedly, fiddling with Chris' shirt.

'Here, Piper, let me.'

Piper passed Chris over to Paige's awaiting arms.

'Right. Okay, so I've put juice and cookies in here,' Piper said, sliding the bag off her shoulder, 'and remember no balloons for Chris and Wyatt hates clowns.'

She handed the bag to Victor, who had lowered Wyatt to the floor.

'I know, Piper. I know.' Victor interjected as Piper continued, listing the dislikes and needs of her sons'.

Phoebe laid her hand on Piper's arm, allaying her.

'Alright, buddy you ready to go?' Victor wiggled his fingers at Chris who giggled as he attempted to grab them. Victor took Chris from Paige's arms. Grabbing Wyatt's hand, he kissed Piper on the cheek. Smiling gently around at the girls, Victor left with Wyatt trailing behind him.

'Okay honey, I have to get to work. You call me if you need me.' Phoebe said, pushing Piper's hair behind her ear. Piper nodded.

'Yeah, if you need anything. At all' Paige added, nodding her head.

'What are you going to do today?'

Piper thought of her husband upstairs and smiled.

'I can think of something.'

--

Piper headed up the stairs, a cup of coffee in one hand and a plate stacked with waffles and pancakes in the other. She reached the bedroom and found Leo still lying in bed, his eyes now closed.

'He looks so peaceful.' Piper thought.

As she entered, Leo slowly opened his eyes.

'I have here your two favourite things' she announced.

'Oh?'

'Breakfast and me!' she replied, crawling beside Leo and handing him the plate.

'Thank you, honey' he said softly, before placing his breakfast on the bedside table next to him. Piper looked at him, her eyebrows almost hidden in her hair. Leo loved her cooking and breakfast; well, he'd eat it three times a day if she let him.

'So,' Piper smiled suggestively, 'what do you want to do today?'

Leo smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Piper snuggled in close to her husband, resting her head on his chest and closed her eyes. Leo began to stroke her hair, running his hand all the way down her back. Piper titled her head upwards and began to place light kisses along his jaw line. A smile unfurled across Leo's handsome features. Piper groaned as the phone rang.

'Hold that thought' she said as she grabbed the phone off of the dresser. Piper sighed and hung her head as she listened to the person on the other end.

'Yes. No, it's okay. I'll be there soon'

'I have to go' she said, throwing an apologetic look at Leo as she pulled a blue t-shirt over her head. Leo nodded, his smile fading.

'I love you' Piper leant over Leo and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

Leo smiled gently 'I live only for your love and your kiss.'

Piper cocked her head to the side. Deciding that her husband had indeed said something sweet, she leant in and kissed Leo once more.

_**Authors Note :** Is there something wrong in the Halliwell household? With Piper, in particular ? Find out next chapter!_


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO .

'And then, as I was leaving P3, Phoebe rang wanting to have lunch, but I thought I better get home.' Piper said, playing with the fingers of Leo's left hand, which was resting on the bench.

'Why?'

'To get home to you, of course'

Leo smiled as Piper wrapped her arms around his neck. Snaking one arm around Piper's waist, Leo leaned down and kissed her gently.

'So,' Piper said her voice muffled by his lips, 'want some lunch?'

'I think I might work on the car' Leo said, removing her arms from around his neck. He placed a kiss on Piper's cheek.

'Okay, don't be too long!' she called to his retreating back.

Piper adjusted her shirt and looked around the kitchen. She had nothing to do. The boys were still with their grandfather and she wasn't really hungry. She felt strange, almost as if she were .. floating. Piper laughed inwardly. Leo always said she was the thing that kept him tied to the world and here she was floating away.

Her thoughts were brought back to the kitchen as Paige slammed the back door.

'Sorry' Paige looked sheepishly at Piper.

'What are you doing home?'

'Oh, well Henry had to go back to work so' Paige pursed her lips and bobbed her head slowly.

'So, things are going well?'

Paige smiled slightly: 'Very, very.'

Piper stared at a water mark that spotted the window. She thought of Leo, of their first kiss, their first date (if you could call it that!). Piper smiled faintly

'Thinking of Leo?' Paige asked quietly, looking down at her fingers as they picked at her cuticles.

Piper nodded her head, almost imperceptibly. The feeling in her stomach returned and a dull ache surfaced in her chest.

'Honey, are you okay?' Paige looked up from her hands and into Piper's eyes.

'I'm fine,' Piper shook her head as if to clear it, 'I think I might just go lie down.'

'Okay' Paige looked at Piper with concern, touching Piper's elbow as she passed.

Piper pushed open the bedroom door and saw the man she'd been dying to see.

'I didn't hear you come up,' she said, pulling on his hand, leading him to the bed, 'lie with me?'

Piper collapsed on the bed with a heavy sigh. She smiled contentedly as she felt Leo's arm encircling her. She rolled over to face the window as Leo moved closer. Piper drifted into a light sleep, feeling safe and calm in Leo's arms.

--

Piper awoke to find the skies darkened and Leo gone. She'd just been dreaming about him too.

_He was falling and Piper desperately tried to save him. 'Let go' he kept calling, 'just let go'_

'_I can't. I won't' she cried back to him._

Hearing clatter downstairs, Piper heaved herself off the bed and made her way downstairs. She reached the kitchen and found Victor had returned with the boys and Phoebe clearing away pizza boxes. They all looked up as Piper entered.

'Hey, honey. How are you feeling?' Paige asked, twisting around in her chair.

'I'm fine,' Piper replied dismissively, 'hey there baby, did you have fun with Grandpa today?'

'Yeah!' Wyatt smiled, his face covered in barbeque sauce. Chris gurgled from his high chair, pizza crusts mushed in his fists.

'Thanks for taking them today, Dad. We appreciate it.'

'It's okay,' Victor said, standing, 'we had a good time, didn't we big guy?' he smiled at his grandsons

'Well, I guess I better be going. You take care of yourselves, won't you?' he said, pulling Piper into a brief hug, 'See you girls.'

'Bye, Daddy' Phoebe said with a small wave.

'Well, buddy, I think it's time we get you into a bath.' Piper held Chris close as Wyatt slipped off his chair.

'Piper, did you want something to eat?'

'It's okay. I'll grab something later.' Piper's voice floated from the dining room.

After bathing Chris and placing him in his cot, Piper returned to the bathroom and ran a bath for Wyatt, who climbed in readily. Piper watched quietly as Wyatt splashed the water, watching his delight in creating ripples across the surface. As she carefully shampooed his hair, she thought of how Leo could so easily coax Wyatt into having a bath. When she tried, he would orb away from her. Piper smiled at her son as she rinsed his hair. But, Leo had no troubles. The boys adored their father. Even after all they'd been through, even as Wyatt struggled to understand, he would always be a daddy's boy. Piper smiled to herself.

--

After Wyatt was dried, dressed and tucked in bed, Piper went to tidy the bathroom. She picked the towels off the floor and collected the various plastic toys from the bathtub. She knelt down to pick up the fallen soap bottles and stopped, almost hypnotised by the wave created by the toys. She sat for a minute or two, her hand trailing in the water. Her mind churned, but it was difficult to pick a thought out of the din. Piper became awash with a wave of fatigue. She remained still for a moment before standing and pulling the plug from the bath. Piper watched the water swirl around the plug. She watched the water as it drained until it was gone.

_**Authors Note: **Have you guessed it yet? Hope you like it anyway .._


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE .

Piper woke in the morning and reached over to find Leo's side empty. She panicked, searching the bed frantically as if looking for some sign he'd been there. Then Piper remembered. She remembered Leo's warm breath tickling her ear, she remembered her annoyance at him for waking her up, she remembered the soft kiss he pressed to her cheek. He had told her he would be gone in the morning; she'd waved him away with her hand, too tired to ask where. Now, she wished she had.  
Strangely, she felt scared. She was used to being alone; hell, he'd left her for a year just two years ago, but she always knew where he was.

She hauled herself off the bed, her body dragging with a tiredness that sleep had not abated.

--

Piper had made it through the morning, with a throbbing reverberating through her body. She was glad however, that the anguish in her stomach lay dormant.

Piper pushed the cart down the aisle, its one squeaky wheel echoing shrilly in the brightly lit supermarket. She grabbed boxes off the shelves, not really paying attention to the gaudy messages splashed across their fronts. Wyatt and Chris were both quiet, busily chewing on cookies and rusks respectively. It was not only the food that kept them silent, they could feel something in the air, something .. melancholy emanating from their mother.

Piper rolled the cart around the corner and forced it lengthways down the milk fridge. She grinned briefly at her sons before looking, unseeing at the shelves beside her. Piper chose the carton nearest to her and handed it to Wyatt, so that he could place it in the trolley. As she straightened, Piper caught sight of a sandy-blonde head rounding the corner.

'Leo' she whispered and set off after him.

Her heels clattered on the linoleum and the wheel screeched loudly. Piper chased after him; careening down the aisle, sending displays and sometimes customers flying.

She reached the checkouts, slightly red and puffed. Chris started to fuss and Wyatt, glancing at his mother pulled faces at him in attempt to get him to settle.

'Leo.' Piper repeated, reaching out to touch his shoulder. However, as the man turned to face her, she saw he was paler then her husband, he had a stubbly cheek and his brown eyes didn't sparkle as she knew Leo's green blue ones did.

'Sorry.' Piper apologised, turning a deeper shade of red and pulling her hand away.

The man just grunted and moved forward in the line.

Wyatt turned his small face to his mother,

'Mommy, Daddy isn't here.'

--

Piper arrived home and settled Wyatt and Chris in the conservatory before she put the groceries away. She didn't really take notice of her actions; it was like she was on automatic, just going through the motions. She moved to the conservatory and sat on the wicker couch, watching her sons playing in the fading sunlight.

Paige and Phoebe came through the door, laughing quietly.

'Hey, sweetie'

Piper smiled at them both, thankful that the darkened room hid the film of tears that had blurred her vision. She didn't know why she was crying and she knew it'd be hard to explain that to her concerned sisters.

'We missed you today,' Paige smiled gently, 'We could have used your deciding vote.'

'Yeah,' Phoebe added, giggling, 'Instead we had to buy all of it!'

She held up her arms, half a dozen bags swinging of each.

Piper attempted a laugh.

'Hey, could you guys help me get the boys fed and ready for bed?'

'Sure, honey'

'With Leo gone, it's a bit of a struggle.' she gave a wry smile, forcing a short laugh.

'It's okay.' Paige said, bending down to scoop up Chris.

'Piper, it's okay to ask for help you know' Phoebe added, making her way over to Piper.

'Sure. Yeah, I will' Piper brushed Phoebe off and headed to the kitchen

--

Piper smiled as she watched her husband sleep peacefully. She had fed, bathed and put the children to bed and drudged wearily upstairs, calling a soft goodnight to her sisters. Leo lay so still, almost as if he weren't breathing. Watching him caused her heart to twist in her chest. A lump formed in her throat and she coughed a harsh cough, as if she were choking. She made her way to the bed as Leo sat up. Piper crawled into his lap, pulling on his hands and bringing them around her.

'Are you okay?' he asked

'I dreamt about you again last night,' she murmured, lightly pulling at the skin on the back of his hand. She shuddered as she recalled the persistent nightmare, 'except this time, I was going with you.'

Leo held her tighter, pulling Piper closer to his body.

'I will never let you fall' he whispered in her ear.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR .

Piper left the P3 office, adjusting her handbag on her shoulder. She smiled, knowing she and Leo would be alone that night. She stopped short, however as she recognised the black-clad figure standing before her.

'What do you want?' she asked steely.

'I want to help you.'

Piper scoffed.

'I didn't think the Angel of Death was capable of help. You bring about loss and pain and you want to _help_ me?'

'I know, it's strange. No doubt a reflection of me knowing you.' Death said, furrowing his brow as he thought it over.

'What makes you think I need help anyway?' Piper asked, losing patience with him.

'It's Leo'

'What did you do to him?' Piper almost shouted, panic coursing through her.

'I'm here to help you move on.'

'What did you do to him?' Piper repeated, gutturally.

'He's safe,' Death looked Piper in the eye, 'but you aren't.'

'I'm not dead or dying. I'm not leaving with you'

'Piper, I'm not here to take you. I want to help you to live.'

'What?' Piper took a step back, confused.

'By keeping Leo alive in your mind, you're keeping yourself from moving on, from living.'

'What do you mean, keeping him alive? He _is_ alive.'

Death shook his head. 'You don't see the reality because you don't want to see it. You're keeping yourself from feeling because it is too hard to feel.'

'Get out'

The Angel of Death scowled and gave Piper a searching look, before disappearing.

'Screw you' Piper shouted to the fading mist.

--

Piper stormed into the kitchen, past her sisters and into the foyer where she began pacing back and forth.

'That grim-reaping son of a bitch.'

Paige and Phoebe rushed from the kitchen and looked on in shock, as Piper continued to rage, flailing her arms in the air.

'Trying to comfort me? He's trying to comfort me?' she asked no one in particular, 'what does he know about comfort? The way he was talking about Leo, as if he was dead or something.'

Phoebe grabbed her waving hands.

'Piper, sweetie. Leo .. is dead. He was killed in a car crash a month ago. Remember?'

Piper's hands began to shake.

'He .. he's what?'

Piper couldn't believe it. She wouldn't believe it.

Then, she understood.

She knew why the Angel of Death had come to see her, she knew where the empty feelings had come from, suddenly she knew why she had felt so lost.

She pulled away from Phoebe's grasp, bringing her hands to her chest. Piper turned and took the stairs two at a time, ignoring the calls of her sisters below her.

Piper ran to her wardrobe and began pulling boxes and bags from the shelves, until she found what she was looking for. Her 'Leo' box. She began to pull each item out, tears filling her eyes. A flannel shirt she claimed as her own, a bottle of cologne he had thrown out when she was pregnant, his toolbox from his handyman days. As each came out one by one, she was overcome with emotion and sank to the ground.

Leo came from behind her and sat down next to his wife.

'Are you okay?' she asked, almost laughing at her own words. She had just found out she would be facing the world alone and she had asked him if _he_ were alright.

'I will never be okay with hurting you.'

Tears streaming down her face, Piper leant in and kissed him. Twisting his shirt in her fist, Piper reluctantly broke away.

'I know I'm dreaming, but can't we make this dream last forever?' she paused, her breath ragged and shallow, 'How do I live without you?'

'You're the one who told me not to give up, to fight.' Leo placed a hand on her thigh, looking at his grief-stricken wife, tears threatening to fall from his own eyes.

'Fortune favours the brave.' Piper whispered, shaking her head.

'How come it won't stop hurting? I can't stand feeling this way.' Piper pulled Leo close and rested her head on his shoulder, 'I just want it to be over.'

'It will, I promise. But it's gonna take time.' Leo said softly, holding Piper as close as he could.

'Why can't you stay?'

'I don't belong here. Not anymore.'

Leo kissed his wife one last time. It was a soft, sweet kiss, one that captured the feelings of the two - the pain, the loss and the indescribable love that they shared. When Piper opened her eyes, Leo was gone and she was alone.

--

Piper sat under a tree, the wind gently sweeping the blossoms down from the branches. She looked out at her sons running through the grass and smiled. The sun shone on her face and her thoughts turned to Leo.

It had been two years since his passing and she remembered the day so clearly, the day he slipped away.

For a long time she had sat alone in her room, with his picture in her hand. She sat thinking about the things they had been through, trying desperately to understand. She knew he would be with her always, but it wasn't the same. However, time had passed and the days had become easier. She no longer felt guilty for laughing.

She stood and the wind blew her hair from her face.

'I love you' she whispered aloud and the words echoed in her heart. Piper smiled. She knew he had heard her.

_**Authors Note : **__Congratulations to badgideon and heavennoseven who figured it out! You receive a medal and certificate claiming that I under all circumstances bow down to you, which you can pull out at any moment and go 'So, there !'. :)_

_I thought to myself: 'what if Leo had died in the car crash in 'Vaya Con Leos', and there came this idea. However, I took a certain amount of artistic license. Piper doesn't see the Angel of Death before the event and the Ultimate Battle isn't mentioned. You'll noticed neither was Billie (It was mainly because it wasn't relevant, but also partly because I don't like her.)_

_I wanted this to go longer, but I really couldn't think of any more situations to put her in and still make it new and interesting. I hope I conveyed the love and sadness of Piper. I've never lost anyone so I can't imagine the pain and sadness of it all._

_Hope you liked it anyway and weren't too disappointed with the ending!_

_KiRSTYx_


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